Danielle && Melissa

1:32am: Life, Blog SEVENTEEN...
crazy.

crazy.

and well...

yep, you guess it...

crazy.



since school has been out, and i came from alaska. as every1 alrede knows...Danielle and i broke up. she said she wanted a break, and i had 2 comply. she changed her mind a few times that she did n didnt want to get back till school starts.well, i waited a long time...in my eyes it didnt seen she wanted 2 continue so i had nothing more 2 do than to try and move on. and well, i did just that. August 3rd 2006 i met a wonderful girl, Franky. we talked a year ago but she went 2 a bar that very night and met a girl who...she fell in love with. i guess you could say we both had a great year...till the heartbroken moment. as you may not know, my grandmother passed away...ive been physically and emotionally depressed since...though i dont want 2 show it. Franky and i have been together, since. i like being with her, alot. i will not lie. Danielle moved on and dated a girl named brooke. they broke up, and well..dont talk anymore. Franky lives in Palm Bay but is moving today...its going to be rough. i mean shes moving to Atlanta...miles, miles and hours upon hours away from me. she will be back on the 20th to gather up the rest of her stuff and join me at Halloween Horror Nights with my sister and her bf. we've been doing grea.t rough at the beginning and now we are just working out the bumps as id like 2 say it. school is alright, i mean same shit...different day really. ive gained my close friends and the true ones. My grandmother let her rest in peace passed away on the 5th of August. my life has been chaotic. i miss my g-ma like crazy. my mom says she was her pride, life and joy. nothing can bring that back. i tend to get teary eyed when i think of her or how my future with her only in my mind body and soul and without her physical presence would be like. expec. for my 16th b-day. she was with me, i know it. my mom gave me earrings my g-ma had bought for me months in advance for my b-day. i immediatly cried. i collapsed in Franky's arms. the pain i felt inside was unbearable. since then ive been trying to cope with it all. i have found a new job. i work at Coldstone Creamery in Superplay. and well...i love it. so what if you have 2 sing. its great. 2marrow is 2 months with Franky. i hope she has a safe trip. im not going to lie, i admitted to her i was starting to fall for her. i cherish every second im with her. when shes upset i get worried but its only bc i cant help, she doesnt want it. im not saying now that i love her bc im not going to lie, i dont love her. not yet atleast and for that to even happen it will be a while...a long long long while. all holidays will be depressing. my g-ma was ... the only one i had left. my only relative i could sleep over and play cards with all the time, watch tv, celebrate my b-days at and just have a happy time. now thinking of her in a coffin just sleeping...hurts. now, im starting to cry... i miss my g-ma so much, i dont mean 2 go off topic its just i have so much on my mind. i havent visited the cemetary since the ceremony, i think its too much for me right now... i mean her b-day is the 4th of November. she would have been 84. god bless her soul. atleast just like my god mother told me, now ill have a guardian angel by my side all the time. if i need her, id just call upon her...my family is a mess. ever since. we've all lost paitience for each other. we are all totally stressed out. my mom wants to leave my family bc she cant take anything anymore. i feel its all my fault. i cause everything. i just recently found out i have a disease. i cant say it here. its fatal, just know that. if my stress level is high and i dont take care of myself, i could die. ill never get this out of my body, its alrede getting late. ive had this for months untreated and did not even know it. no, its not an STD...it has to do with my cough. ive been very upset lately. i mean my family, school, work, life, franky everything going on at once i dont know how much more god can push me into. i guess he feels im strong enough to take care of it all. i feel i owe an apology to my family and friends. ive been so busy with work, im not even able to talk to my best friend for days. its terrible. *yawns* well, im getting extremely tired...its 1:12 am and i need to go to work in the am...p.s. im off next sunday...anyone want to hang out?...well...please comment this blog, thanks every1 who read this and comments it, it really does mean a lot to me. x0x...



Melissa



1/2/06

11:55am: Life, Blog SIXTEEN
Friday: 5/26/06

Last Day Of School.

stayed in 1st hour. then left. had fun. hanna,vince,danielle and i left school drove to tacobell ate we went 2 the mall it wasnt open went to rave--wasnt open went 2 publix picked up my check went 2 a park--got kicked out for fucking lmao. went 2 ft. pierce--cigs, and eat. came back smoked a cig and walked back into school. =D.

Since School's Been Out.

Danielle and I havent seen each other as much..it kinda gets to me. Danielles been working maddd hours and she has credit lab and she will b going to IRCC which is going to keep her even busier. i've been working--somewhat. i finally got my permit. just last week i had to go to the ER. i had croop in where my lungs were closing up and walking phemonia. its calmed down..kinda?? now ive got a terrible cough STILL and a cold. distance kills me n yet it makes Danielle and i SO much stronger. i love her so much. i've been saving up money like crazy. im going to alaska july 8th to the 16th maybe a tad longer. i will most likely b able to talk to Danielle. its odd, she went away for our 3rd month and now im going off for out 5th. if were not together for our 6th ill die lol. things have been steady though.

Just A Random Mind Blurge:
i trust her with myself then i do.
this is the women i wanna be with..for the rest of my life.
the look in her eyes are just breath taking.you hold her and you know you've got the world in your arms.
you had let me go 2x before but in my eyes if it got me this far and this happy id do it over a million times just to be where i am today.
lots of ppl say were the cutest couple, maybe bXc we are not your average couple.
we dont fight. we dont yell. were just happy all the time. if somethings wrong we tell each other and make it positive.
we are on the same level. unlike others.
many ask who is who.
we are both ourselves. thats all that matters. were in love and thats all you should know.
"i kno because i fell in love with her she will be true. i can stare up at the skys and know she wont make me blue."-Me.
all you need is love. - The Beatles.
hearing our song as my ringtone or the DING of her signing on the internet i get butterflies and giggly.
never have i felt this way.
its unforgetable.
and i wont need to forget it.
forever she will stay in my arms, heart and mind.
i love you danielle.
i'll miss you when i leave in july.
remember baby. i love you
i can NEVER say it enough.

2.14.06

Tonight: 6/4/06

tired of fake ppl.
so what if trish didnt lie.
im sick of her being fake.
along with heather.
just as i thought it was alright.
my best friend of like 7 yrs tells me while she was laying down i guess they thought she was asleep heather and trish talked shit about me.
thanks =D.

i love drama.

never once have i had drama like all school yr untill i talked 2 trish and heather.

they are like 2 fucking fat whales with a stick up their ass.

deanna and i have been thru major shit in the past and i love her 2 death she is like an older sister and a mom put together shes got me 2 stop smoking which this month on the 21st it will b 2-3 months. crazy i know. drinking im trying 2 give up. without u deanna i dk where the fuck id b. i love you man.


comment back peace.

8:21pm: Life, Blog FIFETEEN.
Updating Since Danielles Return:

Friday Night: 5.12.06

my friend erin stopped over 2 tutor me..she didnt get a lot of my math probs. lmao and so we guessed on a lot of em. we decided 2 chill at the mall so we drove up there. we went 2 the gas station--cigs. we got to the mall it was crowed as fuck. it was as if they were giving away a million bucks. we stopped in hot topic and bot a few things n then headed over 2 borders. i found a sex book like Danielle's there and bought it. little did i know u needed I.D. it was funny. im like..uh..this is for her im just buying it she has no money lmao. erin is 24 so it worked out. after that we left the mall and went 2 taco bell =D. pretty good. i was tellin her about this one girl from my work---megan. shes bi. ..well they both are. megan is 23. we stopped at Publix where i used 2 work and looked for her. i called Megan up n was like where are ya man i got some1 for u 2 meet. she had just got off work and was basically home. she lives right next to publix. we stopped over and just chilled. erin dropped me home.

I GOT MY PERMIT. WELL ..PASSED TEST. =D.

Saturday: 5.13.06

i started the new job in SLW. i hate it. it sucks.

Sunday: 5.14.06

Danielle and Mine 3 Months. She Called. SO FUCKING HAPPY. Mothers Day. Mom Loved Her Gifts.

Tuesday: 5.16.06

Danielles back. FUCKING HAPPY. Kissed Her Like Crazy. Lmao. Horny.

Saturday: 5.20.06

Colleen's Grad. Me=Work. After work Erin picked me up. went 2, 2 liquor stores. picked up shit. went back 2 my place. Danielle, Hanna and Vince were there alrede. Drank Some. Erin Left. Danielle and I Had MADD Fun. BUCK WILD lmao. They had 2 leave early. Erin came back and helped me clean up since i was drunk. hid my shit. tues--couldnt find it lmao. i 4got where i put it. haha. found it now though.

Sunday: 5.21.06

my fucking parents fucking flipped. i asked my dad if i could call Deanna or have her call me i was expecting her 2 call..well Danielle but still. my dad said yes. my mom was asleep. we argued bout curfews and timing and shit. he ran in my room grabbed my fone n said i cant have it. that started a fight. i tipped over my water for my pill for my coughing. he bitched at me for not cleaning it up. i walked over 2 get a towel b4 he even told me 2 clean it up. we started yelling and then my mom getas up outta no where and comes in my room and says give me ur fone blahblahblah and i didnt give it 2 her bc i was told i could have it for a call. she starts hitting me after i didnt give it 2 her. i said no still. she slapped me across my face. she said sh wewas calling the cops inwhich she started to. i threw the fone. she started 2 call the cops on the house fone and i unplugged it. she hit me like 5xs. i hate it here. i sware 2 god. adn then it went back and forth of hitting me n unplugging the cords. i just kno they are getting rid of me. it was pointless 2 even get up. they always fucking hit me. i hate it here. i sware 2 god. im crying hypterically. and then sad fucknig part is i cant even fucking call Danielle. shes supposed 2 b calling me. i snagged my sisters fone 2 call Deanna. i hid it under my bed. i need 2 call Danielle. i grabbed my dads fone n he started flipping on me for taking it and he said i could have a call .he said not after this shit. it was pointless for her 2 get up bc after stopped arguing i walked into my room and tried cooling myself off untill my moms bitch ass walks in and starts fuckin yellin and hitting me. so yeah. its fuckin 11.09 and shits crazy here. i fucking hate life.

Monday: 5.22.06

School was POINTLESS. Went 2 Work. Very Busy. Blah.

Tuesday: 5.23.06

My Conversation With Danielle. I Love Her SOOO Much.

h0T dAMN x 772: hey beautiful =D.
Dannii Darko: hey gorgeous. >D
h0T dAMN x 772: hm.. wrong IM?
Dannii Darko: no, you're melissa right? the love of my life? the intimacy provided between the sheets, and kisses i get evertime we meet?
Dannii Darko: I think so.
Dannii Darko: ^_^
h0T dAMN x 772: =D
Dannii Darko: =D
Dannii Darko: What's on your mind?
h0T dAMN x 772: nothin. rele. just. tried. on. some. clothes. for. 2marrow. im. wearing. a. skirt. =D.
h0T dAMN x 772: its all fitted kinda.
Dannii Darko: aw.
h0T dAMN x 772: brown shirt brown jacket khaki skirt brown sandels.
h0T dAMN x 772: =D.
h0T dAMN x 772: just feel like dressin up =D.
Dannii Darko: niice.
h0T dAMN x 772: its a long skirt
h0T dAMN x 772: nice try.
Dannii Darko: DAMN.
h0T dAMN x 772: get that thot OUTTA ur head
h0T dAMN x 772: lamo
Dannii Darko: JK
Dannii Darko: lol
h0T dAMN x 772: lmao-
h0T dAMN x 772: how are you babe
h0T dAMN x 772: whats on your mind
h0T dAMN x 772: i need 2 finish my LJ post.
Dannii Darko: Jusy you baby.
h0T dAMN x 772: wat bout me
Dannii Darko: how much you make me happy.
h0T dAMN x 772: =D.
h0T dAMN x 772: you make me feel a feeling that indescribable. i love you so much. and i just cant wait for a yr 2 pass us by.
Dannii Darko: Yeah same here. I'm just looking at everyone else around me and their relationships, and how they're so typical and make it difficult for each other.. argue, fight. break up. it's like they don't look at the entire element of love.
h0T dAMN x 772: you have NO idea how happy i am with u
h0T dAMN x 772: wen i see u my world just lights up. i love spending every second with you
Dannii Darko: ^_^
h0T dAMN x 772: its pure ecstacy =D.
Dannii Darko: It is. Just being around you makes me high on a drug i'd never sell or get sober off of. You're perfect for me too. Not controlling, not anything that would annoy me or anything. I thought things like this were too good to be true, but apparently i guess once you repent and go through shit early you get your reward.
Dannii Darko: and that reward was the chance of being with you.
Dannii Darko: and i love you for it.
h0T dAMN x 772: same here =D. im so happy. im smiling. ive never smield so much b4 prolly in my life wen im with u i just smile u u mention ur name i smile lol
h0T dAMN x 772: i thought it was too good to be true at 1st
Dannii Darko: yeah, i was scared, because ater my relatonship with gina, i didn't want to cry and hate mysel like that ever..so i was like scared to get too close to anyone again.
h0T dAMN x 772: same here..cept i was scared my last 1st love breakup was with a guy named Paul and he fucked me up. i was so depressed i thot i was never gonig 2 b alb e 2loe someone and that it would only b lust.
h0T dAMN x 772: i love you so much i dont think i could ever stress it enough.
Dannii Darko: i thought lust was all i would want, instead of love. i thought it was dumb and a chance to just let someone fuck you up.
Dannii Darko: and i'm still so sorry about those times before.. it was just so fast.
h0T dAMN x 772: its alright.
h0T dAMN x 772: hey if i had 2 go thru that again for this i would do it a million x's.
Dannii Darko: aw..makes me wanna' cry.
h0T dAMN x 772: i love you.
h0T dAMN x 772: =D.
Dannii Darko: i love you too.
Dannii Darko: ;-; im so damn happy
h0T dAMN x 772: me 2222


I LOVE HER.


COMMENT BACK KNEE-GROW =D.

xox.

I LOVE YOU DANIELLE.

6:19am: Life, Blog THIRTEEN


so you all fucking know...today was Danielle's last day till next tuesday...=[ im pretty angered. shes even working tonight till 10pm. im sick so i'll prolly b passed out by then too. im so upset..no more..her walking me 2 class, kissin like crazy lol anything. not even a fuckin phone call k!?. sound pathetic? i dont give a shit WTF u have 2 say inless its good. when you love someone like i love Danielle you will fucking realize. i may not come 2 school wednesday like planned..im getting worse..--sick wise. even though i was supposed 2 come drunk as hell 2marrow..depending on how my head is and shit is depending on if i go. i'll just get drunk on Thursday. so im pretty upset right now..as i said my good-byes to danielle and walked off with tom 2 our buses..tears came 2 my eyes..i didnt wanna seem fuckin pathetic 2 tom so i was like dude..and held it in. thankfully he didnt look over..and if he did he didnt say anything. as you know Sunday will b Danielle and I's 3 months. i want 2 make this special i might get her a card and maybe flowers or candy n then take her 2 dinner n a movie. we did it last month but i think we both enjoyed it soo much. as you also know. i got into a fist fight today with Mike Wood. he yelled something about sayin i know all about bomb threats and brad walked away and started to talk to brad. i think mike got pissed. so he moved up (( mike)) and he was going 2 do something with my bookbag or put something on me i dont know its what i heard and i accidently hit him hard in his mouth. seriously it was accidental. i didnt even mean 2 do it n then i walked off talkin 2 brad and he comes up n pushes me from behind n im like wtf dude. so i hit him in his fuckin face again n pull the fuck outta his hair. by now we were kinda in the grass and he took his hand and started 2 choke me. i could breathe fine i guess it kinda looked like he was being serious but he really wasnt well to me that is. i let go of his hair pulling a massive chunck out and simply throwing it on the grass lmao. i walked off. he yells really loud for attention "stupid fuckin skank" i got mad i turned around and hit him. he starts swinging like madd crazy and i pulled the FUCK outta his hair and i pushed him toward the wall to slam him and this black guy goes up and starts to try and break it up and im like fuck that shit. i puled his hair so tight it grew like 5 more inches lmao. i walked away a little pulling his fucking hair with me lmao. he was stuck behind this black guy and i pulled his hair from the black kid around him n then slammed him lmao. im very violent. for those have known me a while i have a terrible past with Mike Wood. it just got worse 2day. i didnt think he was pussy enough to fight me. fucking guys shouldnt fucking hit girls. or even fuckin choke them. i told 2 guy friends of mine and they are sophmores and juniors and hes like where is he point him out ill fuck him up. he shouldnt lay a a hand on you. i felt cared for. it was nice =D. not that Danielle doesnt but i mean guy wise. so i kinda felt protected. well i cant think of anything else to write...this is going to be my post. thanks for reading leave a comment if u'd like =D xOx. ♥ MELiSSA

8:31am: Life, Blog TWELVE
DAMN. where 2 fucking begin..ill just take u back to..4.13.06.


Thursday - Friday: 4/13/06 - 4/14/06

Well, to start off..i had Danielle, Lena, Deanna && Kelly spend the night. we actually had a lot of fun. as u all know danielle and i celebrated 2 months on friday the 14th...well to start off, i got off work and was PISSED. my check was ONLY 24 bucks. i was taking danielle out 2 dinner and thank god i had extra money. so we decided 2 go 2 Ruby Tuesdays. it was good. =D. the server was gay lmao. i think i annoucned that to loud though. LOL. we had fun in the car makin fun of stuff lol we got 2 my house every1 seem facsinated with my room lmao. we chilled till 12ish. every1 wanted pizza so i went out n made pizza..danielle and i went back 2 my room and we had fun till 4/5am. LOL. we had sum intimate moments =D. lets just say some1 had a HEARTY appetite lmao and tons of energy LOL.

jump start to:

Saturday: 5/7/06

worked. Kaila had a party. had 2 leave early. liquor and weed n cigs =D. kiss. love. yeah. danielle was there. =D.


Sunday: 5/8/06

emo.

danielle is leaving wed...we wont see each other till..the 15th...im ..going 2..cry..im going 2 get drunk of wednesday...i'll b so depressed..alcohol will make me 10x worse. oh fucking well. so im crying. i cant even say: Hey Babe Happy 3 Months I LOVE YOU. im so..stressed..my family is being so fucking...stressful also. i asked 2 go 2 Kaila's party..what a big deal that was. my mom said if i fuck up once or ask 2 go out this up comming weekend shes putting me in a fucking program and/or give me up. as if she fucking cares. as if this whole fucking so called family cares. yesterday was the last time ill b able 2 see Danielle till the 15th...depressing..she has Metro so i cant call it. im sure she going 2 miss me also..eh..work was..pretty sucky. it got me away from my "family" or wtfever u wanna call them. i had 2 do 2 this band thing b4 n after work. after every 1was dancin so i was talkin 2 sum adults bc i cant dance for shit n adam comes up n give me a great big hug. i guess i kinda needed it..i've been so..fucking depressed..he tried 2 dance with me and get all on me..all i kept thinking about was danielle..wen will she call..i miss her so much... a few friends of mine came over (( adams ex gf and amanda n a few others )) came over n started dancin on me im like guys please stop i just didnt wanna b bothered. i think her name is ashley adams ex gf started 2 dance on me n she tried her hardest 2 cheer me up n get me 2 dance eventually i started 2 dance and every1 was all like on me n shit. had a good time..kinda. i actually danced! i nevvvvvvvver dance. it was fun. after everything ashley thanked me for dancing with her i met her mom n stuff shes nice =D. i helped clean up n went outside. adam was there. i sat down n started bein depressed and he came over n talked 2 me. tryed 2 cheer me up. i invited him 2 a party my family n i r throwing for my sister. he kept sayin hes gunna miss her n shit. shes a senior. he started 2 talk 2 me n tell me he was there for me no matter what. i felt guilty bc i hit sumtimes bc i dont like him being on me..i think its awesome how he still cares =D. kinda weird but yeah. hes like Melissa, dawg, u know ill always b there for u no matter what i love ya man. n shit n he hugged me he had 2 go..hes so cool..yet very perverted lmao. he's like..an older brother..who..doesnt get introuble. speaking of brothers..my brother is gettin outta jail. bitch better not drink ne more. he had 3 DUI's and got 3-4 months behind bars. my dad n i were talkin bout him..he got the gene from my dad..he was an alcoholic..my brother is..and..now i am..=/ i dont wanna b a fuck up. ugh. alright well..comment back please..later..

1:34am: " Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People swore it off as a phase
Said we can’t see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that
It’s so true that
We’ve been through it
We got real shit
See baby we been...
Too strong for too long and
I can’t be without you baby "
--Be Without You.

Last Week Some Day:

i had a great time 2day..till i got home..my dad and sister are fucking assholes. its fucking unfair how they are seriously. i said i didnt wanna eat n i wanted 2 go home n then i said oh well u can sit inside or in the car i said w/e. and then we dorve about another few miles n im like ugh ya kno what fine ill fucking eat. n my sister was like..i dont feel like eating ne more n im liek wtf no we are going. shes like no were nto. i dont feel like it so were gonig home. im like wtf dude. and my dads like well i gues we will go home since u dont wanna eat Colleen. im like..are u fucking serious....

shit pisses me off..later.


Spring Break: 3/17/06-3/26/06

spring break this year was fucking awesome. i spent most of it with my wonderful girlfriend who i love SO much. we saw a few movies. or shall i say attempt to watch a few movies heh. i went to a party with Kaila. suffered thru some kinda drama before the break was over about a friday night. i dunno. lol i hung out with hanna and vince the last day on sunday. i saw larry the cable guy. poor danielle LOL. it was

Monday: 3/27/06

back to school!! i saw Danielle, once again =D. reunited with my friends. went 2 tardy tank. usual =D. the day was pretty relaxed actually. not even much work. it was all and all a good day. cant remember much heh.

Tuesday: 3/28/06

another day of school anoher day of tardy tank. school has been gettin SOO boring. the only enlightment i seem 2 be fullfilling myself is when i see Danielle. i love her so much. ive been gettin in touch with Deanna which is really cool. im glad were gettin back to being friends. i miss her sarcasm lmao. xOx. i was actually sick today because my stomach was killing me, i was getting a cold so i called in sick.

Wednesday: 3/29/06

chilled. went to school. i went 2 tardy tank. seems 2 b my daily routine..i also went 2 tutoring. accomplished nothing. as usual. blah..

Thursday: 3/30/06

dido. chilled went to school smoked a cigg. went 2 tardy tank. schools starting 2 bug me......

Friday: 3/31/06

dido. lol chilled went to school smoked a cigg. at my bus stop. i wento to tardy tank 1st hour..mrs. easy wrote me up for excessive tardys..i got one day of ISS danielle and i both. danielle hasnt been ..happy lately..her parents have been buggin her..i feel so terrible as if its my fault.. i dont know what 2 say 2 her 2 make her cheer up...i went to the mall 2night..i had LOADS of fun..missed danielle like totally..dante kept touchin me and i lit Kim's hair on fire lmao. deanna and i got 2 hang out for the 1st time in MONTHS. josue came alone n so did kelly =D it was so much fun. i'd love 2 do it again. maybe danielle can come along next time.

Saturday: April Fool's Day. 4/1/06

it started at 12am. like any other morning. though i called Deanna with danielle on the fone 2 prank her because she was telling me how much she is going 2 call me at 12 n prank me ..well i was up so i figured i'd do 2 it her. she was half asleep lol as danielle and i were on the fone and shes like ohh lets prank Kaila so im like alright..i didnt wanna wake her up or anything.. i 3-wayed her. she didnt answer. danielle kept askin me 2 call her so i did repeatedly. everytimei switched them over Kaila would just hang up. that following morning (( same day )) later time. Kaila IM's me && is like we need 2 talk. i was cleaning my room so that Danielle && I, her sister and her sister's boyfriend could all hang out 2maro. so i stopped cleaning and i answered her IM. shes like dont ever fucking call me or talk 2 me again. not thinking of earlier that morning. im like wait wtf. she told me she had caller ID and that she knew it was me that one time. she then blocked me..i havent heard from her since... Danielle called her trying 2 explain 2 Kaila it wasnt my fault. she didnt give a fuck. it seems like ..Kaila honestly hates me. she finds a reason 2 like..dispise me or something. Danielle said she prolly isnt used 2 her being with some1 for more than a few weeks. she would break up with some1 and then party with Kaila..our relationship has been wayyy longer. and its only going 2 continue 2 b that way. we wont break up. people all need 2 get used 2 someone being happy in their lives and shit. its depressing knowing that Danielle's BEST friend and some1 she loves do not like each other. im totally fine with Kaila. i just kinda think shes..jealous that Danielle isnt with her 24-7 anymore. shes grounded anyway. she cant go over her house. its not 100% my fault. i cant force any1 to like me either. u either like me or dont. its life. i finished cleaning my room because we were going 2 start 2 paint but it took us longer than expected to clean. i headed out 2 the mall with Danielle and her sister n sisters bf. we saw ATL..i was like..the only white girl or white person lmao. we barely watched the movie. it was ..good? lOl. i wore a skirt and i didnt think Danielle would take THAT much advantage lmao. she kinda..got intimate..i should say with her fingers LOL. we made out a lottt. barely watched the movie..cant tell ya wat its REALLY about with out lieing lol. danielle bought a pack of ciggs. for me =D i was happy. she was also high..which kinda..makes me mad. i hate it wen shes high around me wen im sober. i hate seeing that other negative side of her. i get scared. i kno it wont happen, but everytime i see her smoke weed or see her high it makes me think of the past and how she became SO addicted that she had that carefree attitude..once again..blah..so after the movie i was picked up and stuff. went 2 dinner came home. talked 2 Danielle.

Sunday: 4/2/06

today i woke my ass up at fuckin 6:45am it was supposed 2 b 5:45am but my dad didnt change the clocks. i was late to work 8 mins. i got there and the fatass boss was like oh i 4got about the minor laws fro 14 && 15 yr olds.. u cant work only till 9:30am instead of 2 pm. there goes like 4 hours of fucking pay. ggrreeaatt. so i was pretty pissed waking up so fucking early for my ass 2 leave 2 hours later. i stopped at MacDonalds for b-f. i actually got a tip well 2 tips wen working at like 7:30 in the morning!! lol but after that i went home after MacDonalds. we started 2 paint. one wall sky blue the other one is bright yellow we will finish it up 2maro. i went out for Dinner..we went 2 smokey's i...didnt..like it..nor wanna go there..i sucked it up. i ate. danielle called i was right by her work so she walked over 2 see me and get a cigg. it was good. kissed, madeout a few times..got her excited in her pants lmao. and then she had 2 leave. after dinner i went in and treated my dad just for a little sumthin sumthin he made a big like..scene in front of danielle he was only kidding but danielle didnt kno that.. we went 2 walmart after bc Home Depot and Lowe's were closed. got stuff went home. later that night danielle and i were on the fone and my dad was so nice the whole weekend it was so fucking..like..nice. he comes in like right after i said that and starts bitching bc a song came on to loud. wen i didnt even touch the volume. i was laying on the floor. i didnt feel good. Danielle heard my dad scream..i felt embarrassed..i wanted 2 just..cry or something.i called him a fucking asshole and he flipped out even more.. danielle told me she bought weed from David and was making a bowl.. it made me upset..i tried 2 make a pack with her since she has one with me with pills that she couldnt smoke inless i was there or high with her bc she acts totally different. i dont want it 2 seem like im being greedy,controlling or any of that..it just bugs me. i wouldnt think her life is SOOO totally bad she needs 2 smoke and b carefree. she told me she needed 2 smoke bc her body hurt...pfft. i was starting 2 b quiet after. we hung up exchanged our " i love you's " and hung up.

Monday: 4/3/06

its about...2:10 AM my sister and mom got home from GA. my dad--being an asshole. my moms like Colleen, i love u good night n my sisters like good night. dad did the same 2 her. i was laying on the couch alrede in a bad mood. && knowing IM the mistake in this family..made it worse. my mom realized i was right there n goes oh sorry, yeah melissa i love u missed you night. n my dad just walked off. i hate how much aprents think thery have 2 tell me they love me so that they can atleast pretend 2 show they care. dont b fucking fake about it. i kno im the mistake and i shouldnt b alive right now but fuckin cmon it makes sum1 feel 83978457897689546x worse wen u are fake about it. expiecally my own flesh and blood family. i cant seem 2 get 2 sleep. i was SO tired b4..now im like..WIDE awake. i tired 2 call Danielle i kno she was dreadfully tired but i didnt kno if she was still up bc one night after we hung up..she was talkin 2 her ex gf.......so i didnt kno. i called left a mess. i really wanted 2 talk..i was willing. its the 1st. i know. but she didnt answer. its 2:15am now..so ill finish up the day and shit as it comes alogn. im supposed 2 finish painting my room, we are getting direct TV too. no school so its real cool. i wish i could hang out with Danielle..blah. alright well.. ima go..


please comment back. it took me long enough 2 write this..thanks xOx. ♥ Melissa M.








I LOVE YOU DANIELLE.

12:20pm: Life, Blog TEN
HAHA PEOPLE SERIOUSLY SHOULDNT FUCK WITH ME.


Thursday:

kinda shitty. i was thinking ALL day about danielle we didnt talk much till later. i love her and miss her soo much. i get 2 see her 2day though =D. im taking her 2 a movie. i ran errands basically all day. to publix and then i had 2 explain 2 my dad like over n over n over why im not getting switched and my mom n him assumed bc i todl them i wanna transfer they are guving me shtity hours n i doubt it. bc the comp. picks the sched. eh. well w/e. i cant even remember thursday..im so like..shitty right now.





This Fucking Morning:

so yeah im pretty fucking mad right now. my mom called up n asked for a procuts hair cut place 2 ask if this girl who does our hair is there so i asked my sister where the card was bc i had given it 2 her 2 use fora free cut being that i am actually nice 2 her at this point. she said its in her car i said alright im gongi 2 get it. i walk into her room and got the keys and walk towards ourfront door and wen the physco bitch attacks me im like..wait..wtf. i told u im getting MY card outta the car. she goes NO UR NOT GOING OUT THERE GIVE ME MY KEYS im like..uhm..wtf is ur prob. so i wakl away 2 get out the garage door adn the bitch attacks me she hit me n punched me im like..wait..u did NOT just do that. i turn the fuck around n by now im fucking pissed. i punched her face i punched her eye i kiked her 2 get her off of me and then punched her again sumwhere i did this all with one hand bc my mom was also on the fone with me. and i threw the keys at her. i noticed i amde her nose and eye bleedddd. im like dont fuckin mess with me or hit me ever again bitch. i walked away towards the garage 2 my dad n yelled..dad..this bitch is physco bc right b4 i walked out she screams at the top of her lungs MELISSA I FUCING HATE U I FUCKING HATE THIS FAMILY blahblahblah. shes going 2 b 18 soon. she can get the fuck outta this house. my moms like..omg..shes gotton outta hand. im like yeah now every1 can finally realize it. its not just my fault for once. so my mom n dad were talking on the fone and they aer like we need 2 baker act them or sum shit im like hahaha. baker act me. ill beat her ass in jail. bc they want me in jail and my sister in jail. oh well. so im calming down as i write this and colleen (( my sister )) better fuck off. she finally got what has been comming 2 her for fucking tyears. all these fucking years ive putted up with her hitting me n id winded up getting the shit kiked outta me by my dad so i couldtn evne defend myself. i was actually right in the fucking sit. bc she hit me 1st. bitcch. bout time she fucknig got it. im fucking proud.



on the other hand..i see what i actualy did 2 my sister and i kinda feel bad for her.. i mean yeah its defense but..how bad i actually did damage.. i mean punching SO hard i broke the skin on her face...w/e...later.

6:37pm: Life, Blog NINE
My Life Has Finally Changed For The Better && I Love It.



so i havent written in 15 FUCKING DAYSSS!! so ima make it shhoorrrtt.



ONE MONTH AND 2 WEEKS =D Danielle && I.

Thursday Night: 3.16.06

Danielle,Me,Stephen,Josue,Kaila,Tiffany ETC. went to the Mall && Chilled. Danielle && I had A LOT of Fun heh.

Friday Night: 3.17.06

St. Patricks Day. So Im Irish..&& I DIDNT Celebrate. Family Went Physco..Its NORMAL...

Saturday: 3.18.06

I Worked From 9-4. BLAH.

I got off work..and had a very pleasurable treat. so 2 say. haha. Danielle && I were left ALONE for 3 and a half hours. damnn..is all i gotta say..or..yum??? lmao. ..now now dont think we did that but everything else sorta happened. we were getting interrupted a few times..phone calls..food..liquor..lol. her brother is so fucking cool. its funny to see his reactions to things. Danielle mixed a drink for me with 2 shot glasses of Jack Daniels and Coke..if it didnt have ice it would have been down in like..30 secs. lol even though it was a BIG glass. and then once i finished that she had put a shot of Hennessey in it. i drank that down really quickly lol. she put it 2 my nose for me 2 smell it and it smelt good wasnt strong or anything lmao. and her brothers like DAMNNN she needs 2 party with us lmao. we then went back into my room kinda tipsyish? lmao. and Danielle took advantage of me lol i was like pulling her on me and she was teasing me..arggh. lmao. it was all good and then my moms like melissa were outside so i had 2 get my shoes on n pants zipped lmao. and she put this odd gel in my hair lmao. i got in the car and my moms like phew wtf is that smell and im like what shes like were u cooking im like..no mom shes like well u smell like grease or sumthing i started laughing my ass off. im like Danielle gave me sum gel my dads like NO U CANT USE THAT ITS GREASE im like wtf daamn. lol it was kinda funny yet..rude. after feeling really good from Danielles house with her and the liquor lol my moms like LETS GO TO THE FAIR im like..were WHAT?!!! i kept trippin over my damn feet being.."tipsy" lmao. and im like u serious there like YEAH!! im like..o..m..g... lol so i def. played it off n my moms like why are u trippin like that im like this fucking grass i keep getting caught lmao and shes like ohh? lol we sat down n listened 2 sum music and ate something and went home. =D awesome night.

Sunday: 3.19.06

damn..uh..wtf happened..sunday.. i think it was just a chill and relax day..(( i cant remember )) ...uh..i think i slept all day while my parents went shopping. =D.

Monday: 3.20.06

i woke up late and i talked to the love of my life =D. i had to go 2 work today and i worked from 3-5. its actually kinda fun working there. after work danielle called me up and was like hey u wanna go to the mall with me and hanna i was like suree. so i went 2 the mall chilled till they came and then we saw SHES THE MAN. it was fucking funny and actually kinda cute. from what we saw. lmao. i kinda felt bad for hanna she was like..depressedish. i wish i could have made her happier danielle and i tried..eh. after the movie got out danielle and i were walking to borders outside and hanna left to walk ahead of us. and danielles like oh i rmember this spot it was a spot outside we laughed n talked about sum1 havin sex or something i dont remember exactly lmao so she was ahead ofmeand i come running up 2 her and my ditzy ass trips. ommggg it was so embarassing..thank god only Danielle saw unlike wen she tripped infront of everyone at school lmfao. i love you danielle lol. i fell on the grass and almost hit my head on the fucking tree lol. danielles like omg what happened n im laughin my ass off saying i tripped lmao. and she eventually helped me up!!! lol we walked around some more and my dad was there so i had 2 go =[ =[ =[.

Tuesday: 3.21.06

*butterflies* ok ok where do i begin. so this day was quite hectic. i made my mom cry bc she thinks my sister and i are taking the wrong paths in life..shes thinks im becomming a druggy lesbian and my sister a slut. but after arguing with my mom n dad forever i finally was allowed 2 go to Kailas HOUSE! =D. paarrtttyyy. so i got there around 6/7ish. they were all basically buzzed. lol. so we all chilled smoked for like hours lmao. we ordered pizza and then we smoked some more. tiffany stephen and kaila left 2 get danielles brother so danielle and i went 2 the comp. room n i accidently kiked the internet cored. we didnt bother putting it back lmao i gave her a massage and we started kissing and making out and then she opened up my belt and Kaila walked in she looked and was like....oh..m...y....go..d.. lmao. were like no no no no lmao i quickly put on my belt and we wakled out and danielle quickly got a cigg. and her brothers like wtff were yall doin i dont even wanna know lmfao. we looked at each other n laughed. we got some rose tequila or w/e and i had a few shots of that..i think..like..4 or 5 lmao. after that Danielle was in Kailas room so i thot she was going 2 sleep so i walked out n was like hey guys danielles goin 2 sleep n there like go get here im like..ok? lol so i winded up staying in there for a half hour and not comming out till i needed 2 leave lol danielle was like grasping my body n clothes lol we were making out alot n i kept teasing her. she kept kissing my neck and i have this sorta.."g" spot lmao on my neck and she was going 2 give me a hickey and i was so ticklish n yet it felt SOO good lmao. i had 2 change to my other shirt bc i wore 2 shirts n a jacket so it wouldnt smell like weed n ciggs. so i changed with danielle in the room lmao. and all of a sudden it was 10 and i had 2 go i was so mad. lmao. danielle got more drunk n high then b4 and just passed out on me. so i stayed up for a little while talking 2 Lena. i couldnt stay up ne longer so i went 2 bed.

Wednesday: 3.22.06

today i didnt really do anything.. i dk wats going on with my body i just cant sleep any more.. its not like theres A LOT on my mind bc Danielle is on my mind and thats all. i havent sleep fully in 2-3 days...eh..i ran errands 2 subway lol, tradition 2 wal-mart to MY publix and then 2 a diff. publix. it was a catch up day 2 all the shit ive had 2 do. ick. i didnt get 2 talk much 2 danielle before she left for work bc i was busy =[ she called me on her break =D it made me happy ive been havin a rough day my dad n mom have been flipping out and in return i have and its been bothering me. i wish i wasnt sucha dumbass or a rebel..i really upset my mom..my dad..well fuck him sumtimes seriously..he embarasses me and causes his OWN probs.. but i love my parents..sad and shockingly i do. i cant stop thinking..about last night.. i made my mom cry.. im sucha fuck up. =/ eh.. ne ways. i got in touch with an OLDDD friend Erin. shes 24. she told me if i wanted 2 i can live with her wen i turn 16. its actually really nice of her =D. she knos the probs. i have at my house and im very thankful of her kindness.



alright well this is how im going 2 write my new blogs because i like it =D.

spring break 06' is fucking awesome



I LOVE YOU DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!

11:33am: Life, Blog EIGHT

hot damn. i havent written in FOREVER. lotts of shit has went on by the way =D. well today Danielle and I have been going out for 2 weeks =D. very happy about that by the way. lets take u back to...2 weeks ago..last Sat..i worked well had orientation ahd shit it was alright. that night i met up with Kevin Lena lenas brother and her mother. it was pretty fun. we went to the fair. we went out a lot of rides so it was cool. later on in the night Danielle and her cousin had FINALLY showed up =D. her cousin is pretty awesome. Danielle and i went on a few rides 2gether.. im kinda afriad of heights and going on a ferris wheel was a big step..so we went on that and it was really awesome. we got close =D. heres a pic from the fair of us  thanks her 2 cousin who was visiting. she took that pic =D. lol i met her cousin she seems really cool. down 2 earth laid back. after we went on this one ride some music came on and like all of them were dancing stephen and i and sum other kid just saw down and watched while 234589345743857348957 mexicans where smiling lmao. that went on for like 20 mins and then we went on this ride called ROUND UP i felt so sick afterwards lol so we sat down and Danielle sat on me and i was touchin her and stuff and these 2 blk girls who had 2 b like..9 yrs old were on a cell fone sayin are yall gay im like crap hold on my fone started ringing and Danielles like why whats up n the 2 little girls go bc she b touchin all ova ya booty lmao. it was SO funny. we saw those girls later that night n i was touchin Danielle and i screamed i love girls and the little girl looked back with a facial expression of bring disgusted. it was SO funny. i cant really remember what happened after that lmao. uh. sunday we then went fishing--my brother and i i cought..1 one fish lol.monday=NOTHING..last weekend i was working and Danielle and i saw DATE MOVIE. it was really good..after the movie we were flirting and stuff =D and i stuck her cell fone n her lighter in my bra and shes like omg i touched ur nipple lmao. i really cant reember what else happened but this past week has sucked some major ass. ive been thinking alot and alot abotu Danielle..she means so fucking much 2 me guys..its like.. ive fallen madly in love with her. shes ALWAYS on my mind..theres no second thoughts about it. its not that im obsessvie hell no by any means i love her and i wanna be with her. lately shes been..acting different due to her mom and kaila. her mom found the card i had given her for valetnines day and her moms like oh your gay and whose melissa wens the last time shes had a bf is she gay and all this stuff and it really pissed Danielle off. i felt so bad..its all my fault..and the other ngiht her mom and her and kaila had a big talk and well Danielle called me up and wanted 2 end our relationship. its like someone cutting off my wrists stabbing me with a machete knife and telling me 2 live perfectly fine. uhm...NO! my 1st reactions was 2 cry...ask myself wtf i did wrong over n over and then bringing out the pills. im starting 2 think ive got a drug problem..i hate 2 asy it because.. everytime i get mad i dont cut or anything like that.. i bust out these pills. 5 pills 500mg each..i let them rest by me on my desk and if one more thing had went wrong id take it.. i dont even kno why the fuck i did this but i wanted 2 feel pain physcially and not mentally i ketp scratchingmy leg with any sharp thing i could find.. it hurt a lot n stuff does wen u touch it but i didnt mean 2 make myself die or bleed.. i told Danielle and its like she hated me for it. i didnt intenially sit there n say omg i hope everyones mad at me bc i scratched up my leg. no. i didnt think it would upset her soo much she was silent and telling me like why did i do it she had an ex do that shit and im like babe.. i didnt mean 2 do it. i havent done that shit since 7th grade. and i dont ever wanna go back 2 that..ive been talking 2 her lately a lot. she feels im more powerful than her in a relationship with Danielle..not by ANY means do i wanna steal her best friend away. no its not like that. Danielle and i were talking about it and she kinda thinks Kaila not soo much jealous but.. i dk its hard 2 explain..i understand everyones point of view..its just so hard i dont want Danielle 2 give up n be like melissa im sorry this isnt working and go right back 2 kaila, smoking and drinking like crazy. not 2 sound selfish but i kno Kaila and her are best friends and well mayve what Danielle feels with me maybe stronger. it hurts 2 say that bc i kno how much they are close. eh i dk wtf 2 think. i LOVE her. well last night i got off work and i offered 2 go with Danielle to the movies. my treat like always and she didnt answer me. she came and visited me at my break which was FUCKING awesome and i loved every second i saw and was with her. i didnt realize how much the time had flown by and i had 2 go i had one min. b4 break ended. i felt like shit just waving by as she sat there. she went 2 kailas house and i had called after i got off break. she answered my fone call the whole night..ONCE. she told me she neeed 2 call me back and she seemed UPSET. like..WAY upset. ive tired calling her since later and well she hasnt returned my calls or anything i think it maybe her mom affecting her or talking 2 her bc she had mentioned 2 me her mom gave her a huge lecture before she came down 2 c me at work. later that night. i called up britt and we saw a movie 2gether. it was pretty cool bc we havent ever hung out like that since ...uh...7th grade lol. still ppl with us. we walked around the mall and i bought 2 shirts in PacSun.it was cool. we saw the 9:50 movie. we saw Ultra Violet. i thought it was going 2 suck and be the worst movie ever. i t was actually quite intriguing. and i liked it a lot. i wish Danielle could have came. britt was talking about how much she likes caroyln which is really cute bc shes never open about stuff and im like the only one shes comfortable takling with. i love being the one everyone comes 2 tells me their problems or secrets and i help them out. it makes me feel good. i dont know whats going on 2day..i wanted 2 c a baseball game but i dk. ive been getting in touched with my old friend Paul. he drives now and wants 2 drive up and visit me. wen we dated b4 in the past we love n still do baseball. hed come up and c a game with me. so heopfully now he should b driving up from Boynton Beach in a week or so and we will chill. which is cool i havent seen him in like...2 + years. my wrists are cramping up so i hope u guys had fun reading n shit.. please comment. its taken me a long time 2 write this being that i dread it bc i write so damn much. oh p.s. Danielle and i have been dating for almost 3 weeks and we wrote a sex story. ..its HOTT =D. lol alright well ill write more later. 
I LOVE YOU DANIELLE ANGEL EPPS WITH ALL MY HEART.

11:37am: Life, Blog SEVEN
eh...damn i started this shit around 8pm lol..well..i havent written in sooooo long. lots of shit has happened also. i have been skipping for the past 2 weeks lol i skipped Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. oh and Monday,Tuesday Wednesday this week..im getting terrible lOl So ill skip through my terrible memory 2 Last FRIDAY.Danielle and i were taklin a lot lately which i loved...but anyways after school i went surfing..it was fuckin cold.. didnt catch shitttt it was like 2ft thats it!..sat. i took a drug test and went for a job interview pretty awesome i passed the drug test surprisingly =D. i then went 2 the MC fair.. it was pretty small..boring bc i was with family but yeah. Sunday i dont remember.. lol. Monday Danielle didnt go 2 school..it was pretty..BLAH. tuesday..VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Danielle had given me this sweeeeeeet card..i would have been happy with just that lol but she gave me this candy thing..havent figured it out yet lol and this "spin the bottle" romance pin lol as if we need that LOL KIDDING! in the card she had given me she had asked me and yes, Danielle and I are going out and im so fucking happy about it too. that whole day was just wonderful and im glad. i skipped and went 2 B lunch that day hung with Josue Kelly and Gian. Pretty fun. wednesday..we had a sub in 5th hr so i asked 2 go 2 the nurse 2 c if my dad would pick me so i went 2 B lunch lol had fun =D. after school i was tlkin 2 Danielle for a pretty good amt of time and i passed out around 8ish and i was So surprised bc i never sleep.i woke up this morning i checked the clock it was a quarter 2 5am and my mom was up n dressed alrede in which SHE NEVERRRRRRRRR is. i was really confused waking up. i asked her where she was gonig she said she had 2 go out something happened 2 my brother.. i was pretty..worried he is the closest thing i have 2 me and finding put sumthing happened 2 him is like cutting my heart out and telling me 2 live. every1 left they told me 2 get rede 4 school and they'll b back..i was..pretty...confused..5 mins later my brother walks in the door so im like 5x as confused now. im like..wtf..wat r u doing!? lol im half asleep meanwhile..hes like Melissa..i dont want u 2 b like me and starts 2 cry meanwhil im getting sumthing 2 drink trying 2 blow him off bc everytime we start a convo like that wen hes either sober or drunk shit gets wild and i burst into tears so anyways on that note im like whats going on mike..ASAP i say it. hes like i wish i could tell u i really wish. im like why dont u..hes like im sucha fuck up. i dont want u 2 b like me im like..MIKE WATS GOING ON. hes like gonig on and on and all of a sudden i got sumthing outta him. he said he didnt wanna b a burden on us im like wat r u talkin bout.. i really felt the vibe of him being drunk..well for one i noticed he had my dads clothes on?! so imm. i thot..fuck he went 2 jail and they had 2 bail him out i didnt want him 2 go away for 60 days..ill die. i called my dad up after he went outside and sat in a chair and smoked a cigg. he just looked around at the sky.. b4 i called my dad i had 2 cover me crying up. meanwhile i called him up n asked him where the hell he was. he said if i promised not 2 say anything he would tell me..n i did..he said his car was found at RAVE MOTION PICTURES!? and he was sleeping in it bc he didnt wanna b a burden..it started 2 all click in.. i felt really fucking shitty. i put myself in his shoes and thats something really wouldnt ever wanna do in real life..i told him i needed 2 get rede 4 school and i left. i got 2 school i saw Danielle and Josue..we hung out i didnt feel good at all..uh Danielles physco ex gf came over her name is Emylii ..i dislike her strongly. =D. he was a little physco..uhm..well..okay SHE WAS FUCKING PHYSCO lol. Danielle, Josue and I went 2 tardy tank 4 1st hr bc i didnt get my wrk done 4 ms. divan lol it was pretty fun. as the day progressed it started becomming kinda worse my stomach was going 2 blow. i didnt feel good. A lunch came along and Danielle and i were close she had her arm around me =D. i didnt c her till the end of school..she stopped by my portable bc we all left early so we got 2 hang out a little bit.. so it was all good i got home from school and i fell asleep from 2:30pm - 6:30pm ish. i needed 2 go shopping for work clothes we were going 2 go 2night but we didnt so hopefully we will go 2maro night. i havent gotton a hold of Danielle ALL night shes prolly been sleeping. so i finally told trish i didnt ever wanna bother with her or b friends ever again. i really mean it too. i cant stand her. but any ways 2maro im hopefully going surfing and mayb ill get a tan LOL or sunburnt i need sum color LOL sat. im working from 9am-3pm n then maybe go with Danielle and her cousin 2 the MC Fair..not sure. Sunday i kno EARLY in the morning my brother wants 2 go fishing off at the surf. so ill just go in my bikin and get tan =D. lol nah ill fish too. monday i havent a clue yet. this should b a pretty sweet weekend. i hope the waves r good =D. well yeah its taken me a long time 2 write this shit as usual so please comment back and shit. xOx. later

6:51pm: Life...Blog SIX
hey guys..yeah...ive decided 2 write in this ..lifes been so difficult for me ..expecially these past......5 days..so these past few days have been in fact..HELL. as u all kno..brittany and i were dating...we have broken up now..and what a shit filled feeling i have had since..Danielle..well...she told me she missed me and ...well...loved me..this seriously hurts me inside while...well writing this..i need 2 confess 2 britt that..well...we broke up not only for the reason we did..but bc..ugh...this is so hard..bc..well..i love..Danielle...she told me she wanted me back and i tried 2 move on..really i did..i tried soo hard...and i feel like shit bc Brittany is so awesome. its like im being torn into two..i dont kno wat 2 do..fearful and tearful lacking knowledge of where 2 go next 2 fulfill another page in my life....its like a complex situation you never wanna b in..i kno Danielle doesnt mean 2 do this or anything..its just britt and i were like.. i dk..cool and all but i c her as a good friend..but there is part of me that thinks other..its just im so confused right now in my life..everythings happened all too fast and at once..Danielles been tlkin bout Valentines Day...so was britt.. i was such in a binde lately..i feel bad for britt and my situation..really i do..but on the other hand..no matter how wrong this may sound..i LOVE danielle..like..with ALL my heart...shes told me she loves me too..well..shes grounded now..her mom caught her with sum shit..but thats besides the point...ive never had this feeling b4 in my life..being torn with someone i love & care about.. and somone i care about a lot and like alot..i guess shits just so weird..i feel like britt n i broke up bc of my stupid dumbass self wanting 2 b with Danielle..theres nothing wrong with Danielle but still i dk 2 me it seems really wrong 2 break up with sum1 bc u love another person..? does this shit make ANY sense at all!!? besides that my day well..was alright.. i mean eh. it started in 3rd hr i had this shitty ass alsmot migrain headache and wen i get those i get really aggitated and very pissed...EASILY. i can snap and flip out on u at any second. so as 4th hr approached i had something 2 eat like i usally do and i get really annoyed wen ppl have their own money and ask u for YOUR food..might sound stupid..but i hate this about me-- i get pissed at the small things...wayy too much..as i had sumthing 2 eat in class...like..6 ppl asked me for MY food as they had something 2 eat themselves..its like wtf. im very bitchy in 4th hr a lot..so i got out my water..just plain mother fucking flavored water =D and sam asked me for my drink so i grinned and bared it and let her have a sip..fucking..5 other ppl grab my shit and drink outta it..now i fucking hate shit like that.. i cant stand other ppl eat or drink..queer thing i kno..ppl chewing with their mouth open and talking with thier mouth open with food in it..well...i FLIP. ppl drinking after me and b4 me..its fucking DISGUSTING. like seriously its..just..omfg gross. like ppl who i dont like, ..like that. my gf- fine. ne1 else.-GROSS. so meanwhile fuckin 5 ppl drank outta my shit and i got really pissed i grabbed it outta ther hands which i seriously should have thot wat i was going 2 do b4 i did it. i flipped out n yelled at them and told them 2 fucking get their own and fuck off. ..i was alrede in a bad mood.. so they wouldnt leave me alone asking me if i was fine... i was okay. i just needed 2 b left the fuck alone. meanwhile i was texting britt. telling her i was really upset..i was talkin 2 Anna p. bout it also...call me crazy,physco wtf ever..just leave me the fuck alone..so A lunch came upon and i had sum crackers and went n saw Danielle and Tom. lunch went fast..Danielle n i were hanging around a lot. after it was over on the way back tom and Danielle were saying sumthing behind my back..i wanted 2 kno wat it was being i was right there wen they said it 2 each other..he asked me if i was sure and i saiad YEAHH..so yeh very BAD answer lol he said OKAY and we walked around by the portables and he grabs my ass i SCREAM! im like OMGGGGG. i was like are u serious!?...i seriously didnt think that would happen..my scream was like..priceless it was a loud high pitchy girly one im like..wow..so i was kinda shocked felt a little uncomfrtable but id live.. lol...gross. LOL meanwhile Danielles laughing her ass while i got mentally and physcially raped lol...like i do everyday lol 5th hr ended and i was deciding in 4th hr that i wanted 2 pierce my lip. meanwhile in 5th hr i asked anna for her mirror and stuck a safety pin thur my skin lol it hurt kinda at 1st and it was getting irritated from me sticking it in there and bleeding..every2 kept making me laugh so it made it 10x worse lol. tasha marked it and i restuck it in there. 6th hr came along and this one kid Adam likes 2 make me feel uncomfortable by hitting on me and touching me..im like uhh..dude cmon im GAY PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY no dick lmao. he said he knew and that he couldnt help it im like uh...so he kept calling me babe and sexy and it made me feel 3853495890568946x worse bc i thot of britt...and i have very veryyyyy LOW self esteem..he took a look at my binder and stared at Danielle im like yo dude..back off i love her ..shes mine..hes like she gay im like no but close 2 it lol he said she loked real good and im like yeh i know =D. lol we got on the sub. of gay ppl like always and every1 had 2 come 2 me with thier dmn ?'s like..how do u do shit with a girl and if i ever did have sex with one im like yeh i did and it wasnt a good experience due to the fact of the girl who it was..7th hr came along..health.. i didnt get my shit done me juan and britt didnt..so yeh...it was an awkward shit feeling looking at britt and like..ugh..not describle..i got home..Danielle called we tlked for a few good hours or so put 2 gether with how many times she has had 2 call me back lol we kinda kept flirting it was so weird..everytime shed saying i was bout 2 say it n vice versa...lol..every1 keeps asking me if id date her..yeh i would but not exactly at this time this day n shit..2 sudden and im like spinning. my heads going in a million different directions and i cant take it. ive been talking 2 britt and im such an ass..xpecially after this blog..i dont want her 2 feel like i dont like her like that or w/e and that shes only a friend and thats how i will always c her..bc its not TRUE..we were just friends in school and the noyl time wed show tru emotion was online or on the fone...i tried my HARDEST 2 understand bc i respect ppl who arent totally confident with letting everyone kno ther sexual perference..like me. so here i am i feel a lot better..jeez its only 8:07 PM very early =D. please comment back its taken me a few good ..mins. 2 write this shit for u 2 just read and brush off..=] later.

12:48pm: Life, Blog FIVE
hey, so i havent written in this last week.. i actually dred writing these bc once i start i either get emo and and dont stop or i just get emo lol..so thursday there was a fight in school and josh came home on the bus with me .....bout all i can remember lol friday woke up went 2 school..we had 2 party in mr. englishs' class. english- Josh Me Sean and Pat were all hanging out takin pics n wat not. eh..it didnt hit me till over the weekend when isat down and thot about it that my good guy friend..is gone..like..never 2 b seen again in my life..gone..its just.. i dk..anna is moving also. ive known that chick since 3rd gradeeeee...i hope she comes back..=[..the rest of the day went fine i saw brittany =D. after school i slept for a lil bit..and then Danielle, Lena, Deanna && I all went to the movies 2gether to c When A Stranger Calls..bout pissed my pants lmao. i was pretty scared..me..scared..yeh..FUNNY SITE being im never. lol my face was pretty priceless. i got home Danielle and i talked..yeah k. then i was talking 2 BRITTANY =D. we were talking about being in a relationship and how she was tlking 2 Nikki about v-day and surprising me which i thot was totally cute =D so we talked for hours that night..brittany asked me ..very happy was i =D. we tlked for a little while after sat. came along britt and i tlked for ....13 hours..almost 14 str8! jeez. we didnt get bored either we tlked bout everything and anything =D sun. came along..i woke up late..cheaa talked 2 the wonderful gf brittany =D for.............like 9 hrs lol and then went 2 sleep..2day was kinda shitty. woke up..thats when it started. my sister my mom n i fought..over pity shit. got 2 school saw britt =D. 1st hr--ok 2--ok 3-ok 4-ok 5- SHITTY 6-SHITTY 7-good. 5th hr sucked..i was getting a major headache..im not understanding the work we r doing kinda..eh. 6th hr came along..mr. morales decided 2 lecture our class bc we have the most ignornant stupid, most immature fucks in our class. we started 2 get on the topic of skipping in school and getting in trouble and getting expelled..dougs fuck ass had 2 bring up the topic of MY PERSONAL FUCKING PAST. so yeh.. i was pissed. i looked him into his eyes and said DOUG NO. dont fucking go there...well..being he is a very huge asshole..he did. mr. morales and him were talking about it and i blanked out.. i wanted 2 cry..that point and time in my life was like..severe depressiion..never ever wanna go back. lets just say i wasnt very happy with him. i was seriously close 2 getting the fuck up and punching him in his fucking face. dont fuck around with me with that shit. i will seriously flip the fuck out on you. all he fuckin did was laugh in my face.. 7th hr came along i saw britt =D. we were all working onour projects so we didnt tlk 2 each other much..juan kept repeatedly asking over n over wat happened in 6th hr. i was really getting annoyed..he started laughing at the situation that went on.saying..oh melissa was i on your fucking list. WTF I DIDNT EVEN FUCKIN KNOW U. ppl shouldnt ask such fucking stupid ?s. its not your fucking business..to play my anger off and how something is wrong a lot of the times i will go along with u and laugh..hahah big fucking joke. i get home and i wanna die. u ppl do not kno how much u can piss someone off by bringing up something u have no fucking business talking about..so we watched a movie in 7th hr and britt was tellin me how it was fake and not real i didnt believe her and she was right it was pretty funny =D. the bell rung britt left 2 go 2 kristens..i got home and i passed out i was so not in the mood and tired. i didnt wake up till 6:45pm ish from 2:30 pm. lol i texted britt and she called me 2 sec. after that. lol we tlked for a while she went out on a walk as soon as she got home. we tlked bout a lot of stuff..very good conversation =D. shes starting 2 open up 2 me and im absolutly loving it. i respect her desicion of not being open about her sexual perference which is way cool bc she is amazing anyway. the whole world doesnt need 2 know were dating its US not them. later that night my dad n i got in a fight..i asked him simply if i could have the text thing for 5 bucks a month..boy wat a fight over pity shit. i texted britt n i told her i didnt kno if i was going bc i would say i dont feel good or sumthing..i felt really bad knowing i woke her up. i felt TERRIBle she said it was alright like 348903480349580x lol she said if she didnt wanna tlk she wouldnt have called =D. so we tlked for a little while i let the situation calm down and aplogized 2 my dad.we tlked bout it for 10 mins or w/e and he finally allowed me 2 have it. starting thurs. ppl can text me n i can text them =D. i have like 200 mess. tho. sending and receiving so b4 yall. i took a shower now here i am. i gotta do my math h/w also. comment back thanks. xOx. later loves.

7:40pm: LiFE BlOG F0UR
hey guys...yeh these past few days are emoti0ned filled deep thoughted out days. so i wrote this poem.. our friendship is weary. we clearly have no sense in direction to where this is going. my eyes-teary, my body sleepy. i dont know where 2 go from here. these signals arent crystal clear. i tremble with fear knowing your presence is near..this feeling i have for u is just so queer. i have opened up to u as if ive known u for sum good years. im glad we got 2 kno each other rather than being just another face in the crowd..eh..i dk wat the fuck was on my mind. monday..well i guess it could b a lot fucking better. i was so emo..i woke up fuckin tired as A lunch approached i was getting more and more depressed. shit isnt the way it used 2 b ne more yall. ive been writing a lot lately..poem-wise. and i havent done this shit since 7th grade. not myself, alone. but a lot of ppl have been short tempered lately..myself obviously including. so i feel like im getting over Danielle in a way and i feel thats pretty good. i mean i cant stick around and wait for her 2 b rede for a commitment right? my feelings wont ever change for her but i think i may find myself attracted to this girl who ive known since like 6/7th grade. Brittany..NOT LONGNECKER. most of yall dont know her ALLL that well. shes pretty awesome..monday i was so emo. i wanted 2 just stab a knife in me. i mean..the pain would b physically now, instead of emotionally. i dont want 2 explain why bc i would have 2 seriously like..kill myself. (( kidding.))..but no really..i mean its sum DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP shit i would never tell ne 1.lets keep it like that way too. i was pissed in 5th hr. every1s like melissa move blah blah. wen i get in one of those moods i dont give a shit who the fuck u r i will not listen 2 ne 1. i will honestly flip. your better off fucking off. =). they wanted me 2 move for ther own personal pleasure. ha funny. but yeh..monday night till 2night my dad have been getting into so many arguemnts..it pisses me off. i cant help myself....ive got a confession 2 make..im bipolar and i have borderline personality disorder..some of u kno alrede.. i get so fuckin angry i explode and the second after i could b fuckin calm and hell...i hate it. i hate myself for being like this. i cannot change what i need 2 accept.. i kinda get really depressed..lately..my sister can b so fuckin perfect and i have 2 come out as the fucking physco screw-up..it really bothers me..i sumtimes cant really help myself.. i fail. she gets str8 a's. now, no im not jealous im pissed off that wen shit gets outraged in my family..im always the one 2 blame. even if im not in the stupid arguement..i somehow some way get put in it and get in trouble. im blamed for fucking my family up. im blamed for being the physco in the family and any other non normal family shit that happens..i get seriously stressed out..like honestly. how would u fuckin feel if your dad mom and sister tell u almost everyday i fuck the family up and im better off without living here..it fuckin hurts okay. i may laugh really fuckin annoying, be loud and show a happy go-lucky side but inside im fuckin dieing. its just sum1 kill me now save me the aggrivation. now know im not serious..bc last time i said something of this damn computer i was almost fucking arrested..tuesday..well it was alright..Danielle && i got 2 fuckin bond. josue and john broke up and josue was pissed being that john wanted 2 make out with his friend right after the broke it off. i was super upset. i love josue. he is so fuckin awesome. but then again i c both sides of tyhe story. in which ur both at wrong. but hey its ont my business and i really dont want 2 get in theres...yesterday after school i accid. slept. i told my dad i was going 2 sleep but i wasnt serious..i pretended 2 as a joke and well..wow i actually did. it felt pretty good 2 sleep more than 1 hr. i slept from 2:30 pm - 7:30 pm. i was very surprised being that i had a SHITload of homework. like BEYOND getting done. i finally finished my 15 page project at..2AM this mornin. i didnt sleep last night. didnt think i was going 2 either. earlyer that evening i was on the bus comming home and i knew this kid from Delaware Ave. little did i kno he lived near my rode my bus and got off at the same stop..he was tlkin 2 me like mouthing it askin if i smoked i was like yeahh and he showed me a blk and being a dumbass i said nah i didnt wanna smoke that shit with him. he asked me if i smoked ciggs. i said i used 2 he asked if i smoked weed i said yeah he smiled. he was tlkin 2 sum queer kid who sat near him bout me i was like uhm..i hope he realizes im gay..lol a few stops b4 we get off hes like..your gay..im like YUP. he looked at me like..r u fucking serious. his face..well priceless. literally. i started cracking up due 2 the fact he was like hitting on me..after he gave me a danm interview lmao. so yeh..shit was funny..2day..well..was up all night ne way..so i got ready..went 2 school..1st hr..i actually got something done..i usually make an ass outta myself and crack up 24-7 eventually get yelled at enough and then its time 2 go. 2nd hr was okay. thers this weird mexican chick from central who cant fuckin speak English and talks 2 me and im clueless..little do i kno she is prolly telling me im fuckin gay she hates me and shit lmao. i dk. Amanda was cracking up. she kept sayin " ima beat yo ass" lmfao. its an indsider for sure. all of 2nd hr knows that one. 3rd hour..almost flipped..one thing that i can randomly flip out chewing with your mouth open/ tlkin with food in your mouth. we had homework where we were to bring 3 things of food 2 compare. it was seriously easy. we got 2 eat it afterwards. kinda cool. i like that teacher..well not just bc of that..i always have. English- Mrs. Holzinger. fourth hr..mr. saieg..he is..well..different..i never kno when he is serious or just kidding. i didnt understand sumthing bc we r goin like atoms n shit and im clueless..he got pissed bc i asked him 2x how 2 do it..gave up told me 2 sit down and ask sum1 who basically cared..how fuckin nice...NOT. i went 2 A lunch..sat with heather,cody,mike christina and dante..for a lil bit..then went over and saw Danielle && Tom..we tlked bout sum interesting stuff lol xpecially nipple piercings && toms evntually new gf (( kim? ))..lol 5th hr--easy as fuck. sam gave me her wksht. 2 copy all the answers down. i was very thankful. we had 2 do like 20 mins of SSR 1st. that hr went by quickly. 6th hr--interesting..turned in the project thankfully. he said it was one of the best && was looking forward 2 it..kinda made me happy..7th hr came along..i got 2 c brit. and juan and heather..juan kinda pissed me off 2day but i really didnt show it. i kept gettin yelled at bc of him and he kept kinda..annoying me..he kept pinching me punchin me writin on me i dk just little pity annoying shit. love him 2 death and all but cmon..i gotta draw the line sumwhere..he was like all over me..givin me a massage im like uh..can u get off!? lol. i stayed for tutoring..with lena and ..trish. i made lena mad for sum reason..she told me i act different then online..mayb bc i can freely espress myself and not give a fuck and not care wtf kind of facial expression i get back online..i feel more open online..i dk. i had 2 give trish a ride home..whatever. i got home & did nothing. literally.. i went online..and have been ever since besides grabin a burger for dinner..these past few days ive been...well a tad bit on the EMO side..deal with it. these damn things feel like they keep gettin longer and longer while my life keeps persisting 2 get shittyer and shittyer..comment back thanks..later loves. xOx. Melissa.

9:47am: Shit-FIlled Weekend..Im getting used 2 it..
hey guys..lets take u back to where i left out in this shitty life of mine. aha. thursday. well lets c..later that night. i was tlkin 2 Danielle and i was gettig a SEVERE migrain..one like no other. i took sum pills durin school that day.. i got home and i eralized my heart was like..having really bad pressure. i could barely feel my pulse. we had 2 check like 3 places. just for it. thats besides the point. i layed on the couch and i remember telling my mom my heart my heart. as i layed down my dad got a cold face cloth and put it on my head ..wasnt helping. i barely could move so i didnt even take it off or bother. after an 1-2 hrs of letting them realize i was having heart probs. i was rushed 2 the ER..boy..wat fun.i barely walked..they put me in a wheel chair and took my vitals..they hooked me up asap to the heart monitor. it was barely going up n down and slow. at one point i watched it it went str8..i was like uh..i felt like i was doing 2 die. they took me in and got ALL my info down. got everything taken cared of..they saw my condition and took me in pretty fast. i layed in a room and they wanted 2 give me an IV..haha..that was funny. so they didnt. after 3 hrs of fighting back. i had 2 undress and put this lame gown on. i couldve cared less at that point. they brought a doctor in and they needed 2 go an EKG..i was a little nervous being i had 2 flash the doctor lmao...but ne ways..they hooked me up with wires and electric lol and i layed still for a few mins. they said my heart was okay. it was stress and it was Heart Palputations. we waited another hour and they came in and told me they needed 2 give me a shot, IV with meds or pills. i was like are you serious. i will def. take the pills. my mom..didnt agree..it was about 1:30AM at the time and she had 2 get up at 4AM..we argued for like 1 hr and a half i was gettin pissed and nervous. i have very bad phobias of needles..so the nurse left and asked the doctor if i could take pills she came in and told it wouldnt work till 2-3 hours i said so be it..(( my mom was furious )) after a few hours of arguing she came in looking like it was a thing of needles..i was ready 2 flip..but i didnt c it and it was just a cup of water and sum pills lol. so i took the pills and i layed down..i passed out and wen i woke up i guess it wasnt time 2 leave && the pills really started 2 kik in...i went back 2 bed and woke up later that morning. the nurse came in and my mom was standing there i was like uhm..wats goin on lol i was ready 2 leave.sadly..my headache..was still there..i didnt say ne thing..i didnt want a needle.. so she took my vitals again i got my clothes on lmao. and i got 2 walk out..carefully..i was still drugged and barely could walk lol. we got home around 4AM. just intime for my mom 2 go to work lol and myself 2 pass out. i slept on the couch till....about 10:30am i was like FUCK. SCHOOL. DANIELLE. being she was really worried..so i pushed myself and forced myself 2 go to school..just to c her. i also had a test in a few classes..but really i wanted 2 c Danielle..and wellllll what do u know..shes NOT there..so yeh.. i was.......UPSET. on the positive side i got 2 c t0m. i havent seen him for 10+ days..being he was suspended and all..so i stuck it out all day..got home..passed out..again..i wouldve liked 2 go to the mall. like seriously 2 chill with Lena && Kevin and Bree. well..by the time i got up 2 even think about wat time it was..my parents and sister were like oh wer going out we'll bring u dinner home such as MacDonalds i was like huh yah okay. they asked if i wanted 2 go i said yeah itd b 30 mins tho. && there like oh we dont have time for that..and..well..they left me...not even knowning wtf time it was..so i waited all night..i literally sat on the computer and watched the time..it was about..9/10ish and they decided 2 come home..im like oh so where dinner..ther like oh well we brought u this..it was like.2-4 ribs from Sonnys...wow how nice....so yeah.. i was pretty pissed..waiting for like..4 hours for sum dinner and i get 2-4 ribs..how..wonderful..well not. i was PISSED. ther like oh i thot ud like it better.. if i fuckin wanted that i would have gone. so i made my own self dinner..leftovers..how..uhm..gross.. they were like oh im sorry Melissa i thot u wanted it..whatever. that started this..LOVELY FUN FILLED FUCKING WEEKEND. haha fuck not...Saturday..hm..lets c ..wat did i do..oh thats right..FUCKING NOTHING. i sat ALLLLLLLLL day on the computer..barely doing my fuckin project. how..fun. i asked 2 go out Sat. night with sum friends and they SUDDENLY CANT GO. rigght. so my mom took me 2 the mal with her for hm..less than an hour..wat did i buy!? just a rainbow wrist band. blah. we went 2 WAL-MART && i grabbed sum construction paper and breakfast food 4 school. went home..tlked online...i called Bree && Kevin..tlked 2 them for..a long time..from 11ish-3AM..yeh...TODAY...uhm..NOTHING...i woke up at like fuckin..1:30 PM and my dad was in the garage im like wth why didnt ne 1 wake me up. there like oh well thot u wanted 2 sleep im like uhm yeah but i wanna surf! my dad was all for it. he was going 2 take me and all but by the time i told him it was like..3:30pm && hes liek its late. so he said hed take me this Saturday. he promises..lets c how long this promise is guhnna last 4..he never keeps his word. && i HATE ppl like that.. but then i tlked 2 bree all day and met sum new cool girls. ther pretty unique and cute...not lookin for a relationship..im still..attracted 2 Danielle..in which i think i should get over.bc..she most likely..dont wanna b with me or date ne 1 either..=/..but i was lookin up my past poems ive written..im gettin back into the habit of writing again..here are some..please dont laugh or say ne thing negative about em..ther MY feelings.. NOT yours. k!?you look at me with a look of dispise in your eye it makes me want 2 crawl in a hole and just let myself die. its not you its me, so ive been told. you know how 2 make everyone believe your pity little lies. everyone is against me in this world&& im really sick of it these emotions i am feeling because of u makes me feel like shit thats one heres another one friends or foes? if not let me know.i dont have 2 waste my time, just please let me go.i build this anger up inside of me only to let u beat me down to a tee.i have nothing 2 live for anymorejust leave me be now, u fake little whore. heres the last one..Every night i sit and wait. wait for the special one who is my fate. he shall never come. i look at the scars and think how could this b done. to sit and cut with the knife pressed against my thumb. blood down my shirt but no one ever sees it. i hide my fears while liquid tears just run down my face. i finally talked 2 sum1 they have solved my case. this is the wonderful experiences of depression. but yeah...ive been getting into writing..those are older ones..the friends or foe one is recent tho..kinda bad..but yeah its 9:45 now..my mom just helped me out with this project i have due wednesday for my world history class. every1 thinks he is rude and such an asshole.. i think hes funny and is the only NICE teacher 2 me..well that i have a 99% in his class..but yeah i need 2 get going..my wrists hurt from typing &7 my backs bothering me.. so thanks for reading..please comment..xOx. later. Melissa..

4:12pm: uhm..life..yeh..its shitty.
so yeah..i dread writing this shit.. i dk. i usually like 2 put deep thots in this and ..it takes 4 ever. school..life..uhm..shit. sucks. like majorr. so theres these chicks right..they have crushes on me...im not exactly..into them. i mean ther cool and all but im not exactly looking for a relationship. its just blah. i mean..i seriously still like Danielle..eh..i knew wed break up..and im very understanding. i new she didnt mean 2 hurt me. i can understand that..this subject is..well iffy. Tom && I were talking one night last week and he said he hated 2 tell me but itd happen..he was right..i look at Danielle and its like..i fall for her everytime.. shits deep man...uhm yeh..i dont really wanna get into DEEP details bc i kno she will b reading this and id rather tlk bout it str8 up then beating around the bush ya know. im in the stage of my life..where...well u guys may not really c it in me yet but im maturing...yeh..its fucking lame but hey..its how I feel. not u. ive been stressing out A LOT lately..these migrains are seriously..KILLNG me..i feel like shit wen i complain but i cant help it ne more. im to the point where i seriously will put my ass in the hospital bc of it. i dont care ne more. shits gotton 2 bad. i get these awful headaches wher im at the breaking point. i wanna cry bc i hurt so much and i cant. it will b 238492374x worse. wen i get upset it makes it really bad. 2 the point where i cant blink, walk or even like..lay down or something. its terrible. i have a daily migrain headache. i have a headache 24-7. shit only gets worse. i wake up with em, i listen 2 music with em. sleep with one. its terrible. i just wanna shoot myself. (( not literally..))..so yeah this past weekend has sucked major ass. besides the point of Danielle && i breaking it off..my brother hasnt called in a while..or ne thing..he was supposed 2 take a plane 2 CA the other day..thankfully he couldnt catch a flight. (( we fly free so we go stand-by)). im a fucking dumbass and was seriously close 2 OD-ing. which ive prolly told u all about my shitfilled weekend in another post. tough shit. read it again. ive been stressing out a lot lately. i have a project due seriously SOON. as in..10 pages BY the 1st. && its not sum shit where i can easily do in 3 hrs. haha not. this will take me a week...Anna was spposed 2 b moving which my VERY close friend who ive known since 3rd grade. weve never fought in our lives. and i love that. shes been doin sum seriously bad shit. she skipped about 2 full weeks of school 2 b with sum1 she has a restraining order basically, on. her parents forbid her 2 c him. lifes been hectic with these headaches and all. drama has started..never fails. it seems 2 always find me sumwhere sumhow. trish and i are NOT friends. i dislike her very much. i wont say hate bc..its a small word with an intense meaning. everyone keeps asking why. so ill fucking tell u. i dislike ppl who..run ther mouths and are a fake being. just in general. dont tell the world your infact GAY..2 weeks later..BISEXUAL and then a month later..SR8. thats not being fake or ne thing its being confused. check yourself carefully b4 u say stuff like that. i dislike trish bc she runs her mouth about her "friends" who she "absolutly love" pshh complete bullshit k?! dont say ther your best friend and then go to someone else and say u hate them they are annoying etc. this drama is besides the point. she is outta my life and now i can b drama free. next subject. lol. ive been havin second thot bout bein in the service. im ALL for it and shit but like..i looked over some of the shit and its pretty intense..i mean besides the fact of not going 2 c everyone and shit for 4 yrs+ yeh..thats..out there. the training is intense..yeh ill admit im outta shape. but being able 2 run like..over a mile in..hm....................5 mins..OUCH. lol i want 2 b able 2 prove ppl wrong in my life. every1 says ill NEVER make it...thanks guys..im debating..still..on wat i wanna do wen i grow up..i have patience 2 a degree...id love 2 b a phycologist..or major in the digital design field. eh. i have a lot of time 2 think bout that mess..ive been honeslty inspried by some1 2 become a physcologist..now u prolly think im crazy && shit but hey..oh well. the past has been comming up a lot lately..ppl have been tlkin bout it..pisses me off.. im not going 2 mention ne names.but like..it annoys me 2 hear about it..i fucked up really bad..but just get over it, seriously. u dont need 2 go on and on saying yeh Melissa is a physco bitch. it fucking hurts. it seriously does. im sure thers shit in your fucking past u regret with a fucking passion..this is mine. its not exactly..pleasureable 2 hear ppl in front oof your fucking face bring it up and say..oh better watch out..melissa will kill u or watch out..melissa will blow the fucking school up....dude..it seriously fucking hurts me inside. i may not come off 2 u ike it..i might laugh..but deep down in fucking side. i seriously wanna die wen i hear it..i get upset..and if your reading this and r like well she shouldnt have done it..i fucked up..i alrede admitted it..its just been bothering me how ppl can actually make fun of someone in ther face and now know how much it fuckings hurts you..im seriously fuckin bout 2 cry typing this shit...eh..im basiaclly repeating myself..but..i cant really get over the fact ppl can b so fucking rude and shit. i must say..going thru this experience has seriously..well..hm..helped me out in an odd physco way. i met someone really fuckin awesome and well..frankly.. its depressing..next subject b4 i start 2 seriously cry..u prolly r reading this and are like..wtf..this shit is seriously long and...moods change..2 frequently...well i am infact..bipolar..and i do have a borderline personality disorder..ive never really been..TOO open about it..i ..hate it..i hate me. but i accept who i am..back 2 the subject of Danielle..shes been on my mind..A LOT. she..doesnt wanna b in a relationship. i accept that and understand it. but everytime i c her or am near her its just.. i melt. the feeling is undescribeable. its just..ugh omg. 2 me she is perfect. i mean...everything id EVER want in a gf. or even friend of that matter. its just an awesome feeling. i love it. im sooooooo happy and i 4get about my actual...uhm..life kindaish wen i tlk 2 her. its just..my attn. is HER 2 a degree..so im not exactly looking for a relationship nor the right person. i found her but im not sure if she is exactly interested anymore..&& she doesnt want a relationship..which is cool. i get kinda jealous..i mean..wen she tlks bout her x's..like wen went out...she tlked bout Emylii and shit..blah. i dont like her. shes trying 2 get back with Dannii and...well im jealous lol. its upsetting..ther we go lol ..so ive wrote a lot..more than i thot i would..im sry i wrote so long but ..i feel a lot better.. uhm..thanks for reading..xOx. ill write more someother time lol

10:30pm: uhm..shit.
yeh..i just made one of these things again..uhm..i can try 2 use it..ive been sick lately..feeling shitty..depressed. this weekend absolutly sucked..i got reallyl low and depressed and stupity played a role and i popped 12 pills. i didnt really think it would do THIS much HARM. i really pissed Josue && Danielle off..i didnt think it was a big deal..i almost OD. i was thankful i stopped wen i did. im such a fucking dumbass. Danielle broke up with me. this kid richard read my bulliten and announced that shit when it was really quiet in my 4th hr and i was so fucking pissed. it just made me really low. i didnt go 2 school 2day due to having a dreadul migrain for 2 days. i am 2maro. drama has once again started. trish keeps running her mouth. fuckin pisses me off. but oh well. losing one fake friend never hurts does it? im goin 2 take a shower now. later much.